


Snape's Sadistic Scheme

by HPFandom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Out of Character, Parody, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-10
Updated: 2006-10-10
Packaged: 2018-09-30 10:18:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10161008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPFandom_archivist/pseuds/HPFandom_archivist
Summary: In retaliation to a prank, Severus Snape issues the making of a potent love-increasing potion. Harry and Neville messes theirs up, causing Harry to become legendary ‘Playwitch!’ material, while Draco gets ten times the prescribed dosage…





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

Notes: Lots of silliness. Probably OOC, too. I was aiming for something relatively new but, turned out weird. (So I felt silly! Sue me!) Originally from LJ, prompt_me_hd.   
Disclaimers: I wish I owned Harry Potter, because if I did, there’d be lots of boy/boy smut. :D

 

**The Beginning**  
+-+-+

_The Merinell love-enhancing draught is one of the most complex and concentrated love potions ever created by Wizardkind. Its very fume could strengthen the feelings of love, regardless of its brewing state. Likewise, the potion would intensify a wizard’s feelings towards their partner, and in the latter stages could cause minor swoons, vacant expressions, and drooling. The potion can also cause a possessive streak…_

 

“Why is he making us do this?!” Harry seethed, hissing at Hermione who was tending the cauldron next to his. Hermione glanced out to the front of the classroom, noticing Snape’s lips curl into a satisfied smirk as he glared at the amassing faces of worry. 

“I reckon he’s realized it was Dean who left the fruit bats under his bedcovers last night… And this was his way for revenge,” Hermione whispered back, as she began adding the asphodel. 

They were supposed to add the asphodel slowly, as what Hermione was doing, but Harry, distraught and enraged, simply turned to his cauldron and dunked his portion all inside. The potion simmered loudly in response. 

“Uh, Harry?” Neville said, watching as their potion began turning green. Harry eyed his partner, “Sorry, Nev, but this potion is nearly impossible to brew correctly, you know that.”

“No it isn’t,” Piped up Ron, who handed Hermione the rest of the violet sprouts. Harry gave him a glare, “Ron, just because you’re with the best witch—”

“—And did I mention, class,” came Snape’s soft, silky voice from the front of the room, “that one of each pair would be tasting the draught?”

Harry abruptly stopped what he was doing, and stared at the greenish glob in the pot he and Neville shared. Snape’s sly words made his stomach feel queer and empty, suddenly. The rest of the class also moaned at the statement. 

Harry gave Neville, who was biting his lips, an apologetic look. “Oh shites, Nev, I’m sorry…”

They glanced at everyone else’s cauldrons, fearing how ghastly their concoction had become. All the other potions, though on various stages and inconsistencies, had a light blue tinge, yet was clear as water. Comparing their green muck was like comparing a toad in a basket of bunnies. Neville paled further beside him. 

“Don’t worry Nev,” Said Harry bracingly, re-reading the manual and trying to figure out how to undo the mistakes somehow. “He won’t really let us drink it if it looks this bad…” He glanced up to see Snape sneering evilly at Lavander and Blaise, and gulped, “Okay, if worse comes to worse, I’ll drink it, okay?”

Neville began sputtering, “—but,”

“Relax,” Said Harry, trying to calm himself more than anyone else. “Snape obviously knows we can’t get serious injuries, or he wouldn’t assign us such a difficult task. Besides, if I die, it’d be his fault.”

Neville nodded mutely, and Harry turned his attention back to the cauldron. 

_I just wish he’d punish Dean and not the whole class,_ He thought to himself. _But Dean just HAD to prank the one teacher that was so obviously the mass sadist…_

Snape’s voice floated seamlessly through Harry’s ponderings. “—And about now, all of you must already be transferring your, _hopefully accurate_ potion into the vial…”

At Snape’s drawling voice, Harry sprang up and began doing just that, with Neville looking on with still a pallid, apprehensive look on his face. Harry sighed, glancing at the other partners: they looked like they had some minor mistakes too, but not as grotesque as theirs. He shifted his gaze. From the end of the room, he could hear Malfoy and Seamus bickering. 

Harry sighed, the potion fumes going up inside his nose. The smell was sickeningly sweet, and according to their _generous_ professor, these smells would also issue a potent desire for their secret crushes. He glanced at Malfoy, who had his sleeves up, showing elegantly long, pale flesh, and felt his heart pound…

Harry shook his head, turning back into the cauldron. _Focus_ he told himself. He knew that the reason Snape assigned a blasted love-enhancing potion was so that he could humiliate everyone. He was not going to fall into the trap so easily!

He glanced back at their mottled potion, wondering if he could die if it was as poisonous as it looked. He bent over, sniffing it.

Their potion smelled exactly like the clear white fumes issuing from of Hermione and Ron’s cauldron, so it couldn’t be that bad, right? And with certain luck, the potion could turn out to be a dud, which was certainly better than being all swoony towards a certain someone, and in front of _everyone._

He asked Neville to prop the book for him as he read more of the instructions. It said that the prescribed dose was one drop inside a glass of water— any more was excessive. Harry frowned as he began measuring, hoping that he wouldn’t accidentally take any more than he had to…

 

+-+-+

The Slytherin section wasn’t faring to well, either. Most of the students were bickering about who was to take the dose. Draco Malfoy was no exception. He had been busy sneaking glances at Harry who had this cute little behind, and was more than riled when Seamus Finnegan, one of the lone Gryffindors in the area (not to mention his apparent partner) suggested _he_ drink the potion.

“I am _not_ touching that disgusting dose, Finnegan!” Snarled Draco, pushing the cup away with disgust. 

Seamus grimaced, “I did all the work, ferret boy, at least do something!”

“I am intelligent enough to realize a lost cause, Finnegan, but besides that, _I_ stirred.”

Seamus looked at him as if he was insane, and then he gave out a smirk, leaning closely to whisper in the blonde’s ear. “If you don’t take it, I swear I’m going to tell everyone who you’ve been ogling at.”

Draco sputtered. “I have not been looking at anyone!”

But Seamus only gave a satisfied grin. “Oh right. That’s just because you’ve been busy staring at Harry’s arse.”

Draco blushed bright red. “Fuck you, Finnegan, I’m not the only one reacting to the fumes. I can see you drooling behind Dean’s back.”

“Hey, at least the whole world knows, Malfoy,” Retorted Seamus. He had caught Malfoy red-handed.

Draco, paused for a moment, then apparently saw his point. “Fine, I’ll take it… fucking ponce.” 

Seamus grinned, taking the vial filled with the potent love draught. He noticed the blonde had become distracted again, staring over to the other side of the room, where Harry was bending over to scoop up his potion. With a wicked grin, Seamus dropped several drops onto the cup, much more potion than was obviously necessary. 

He glanced around discreetly, before mixing the glass of water, all the while glaring a hole to the back of Malfoy’s blonde head. 

_This was for making my potions life hell._

+-+-+ 

When half of the class was instructed to drink the vial, Harry harnessed his famous bravery (which seemed sorely lacking at the moment) and downed the glass like a muggle shot. There was no taste, but he felt a lightheadedness that seeped further into his head. He blinked, and it was gone. 

He looked around, not feeling anything different. He even glanced at the back of Malfoy’s head and felt nothing but the usual quickening pace of his heart.

“It’s a dud,” He told Neville, but Neville still had his mouth hanging open. In a moment of fright, he grasped his face, checking to see if he had sprouted warts or another eye. Nothing.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, alarmed, as Neville’s jaw begin to drop further. Hermione and Ron were now staring at him as well. He looked towards them nervously. “What happened?”

“Harry,” Ron breathed after a long moment, “You’re… _gorgeous._ ”

Harry stared at his best friends for a moment, and then widened his eyes. _Oh bugger_ , he thought.  
+-+-+

It just so happened that the potion Harry brewed was so obnoxiously wrong that it backfired— instead of intensifying his crush on Malfoy, it made anyone of direct contact positively swoon and contract palpitations. It became a common love potion. 

Potions class had deteriorated from its usual prickly silence into loud mutterings and whispers. The others had taken their potions as well, with varying results, from becoming swoony as predicted to simply ill. But Severus Snape barely paid even those heed. He would have normally berated the class with such unruly behavior, but right now was too busy smirking deviously at one Harry Potter.

“And you still drank it, my brave little Gryffindor?” He hissed seductively.

If Harry’s eyes could pop out of their sockets, they would have, but as it was, Harry could only nod. He glanced at his partner, Neville, who was giving him puppy eyes.

“—Stop that!” He whispered angrily, when Neville began to sigh.

And then he felt the hand on his shoulder, squeezing warmly. He looked up, alarmed at the smirk his Potions professor was giving. “I can’t resist giving you detention, Harry.”

Harry looked to Ron and Hermione, but they were too busy giving him odd, dreamy looks. He looked back to his professor, disgruntled. “For what, then? Doing exactly as you asked?”

Severus laughed heartily, a glimmer in those dark coals of his eyes. “Don’t be so naughty, or I might have to… discipline you…”

Harry backed away now, realizing that the whole classroom was looking at the scene unfolding. He’d open his mouth to tell Snape to stuff it— when someone beat him to it. 

“Oh professor, stop feeding his already large ego!” 

Malfoy’s snide voice was a fresh welcome from all the heated stares. The blonde had come up next to Harry, giving the professor an angry, disapproving look.

Rather stiffly, Snape took his hand away from Harry’s shoulder. “I assure you, Mr. Malfoy, that it was not what I had intended.” 

“Good,” Draco sneered, “Because Harry’s _mine_.”

And with great shock to everyone, the blonde had pulled the Boy-Who-Lived into his arms, swinging him over in a dip, and gave him a long, searing kiss. 

+-+-+

Draco Malfoy did not know how to quit. Throughout Harry’s long and tedious day, he followed, hounding him everywhere he could go. Even passing by each other in the hallways, Malfoy had managed to feel Harry up inconspicuously. (Harry had never been felt up more in his life, but he wasn’t even going to linger on _that_.)

So really, it wasn’t much of a surprise when Harry had blown finally his top…

 

“ _What are you doing here_?” Was Harry’s first question at dinner when, after trying to have a decent conversation with his puddle-minded drooling friends, Draco Malfoy had snuck up behind him, giving everyone a scathing look.

“I don’t like the way they’re looking at you.” Replied the blonde, giving him a vacant, dreamy look, before placing a possessive hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Sit with me in the Slytherin’s table.” 

Harry shrugged him off. “Oh and you think the Slytherins will be a good shot at prudence?”

“No Potter,” Said Malfoy, crossing his arms, “but the Slytherin’s table is my turf, so I can protect you.”

Harry bit out a laugh. “Just protect me here, Malfoy.” 

He’d thought the blonde wouldn’t subject himself to such a farce and instead walk away, but the blonde began to ponder over it. _Ponder_ over it! Harry was flabbergasted. Of course, a part of him was secretly overjoyed at seeing the Slytherin act this way, the other part was telling him how ridiculous all this was. 

After having a talk with McGonagall after the potions mishap (Harry tried not to think of the way she was giving Harry winks) they’d come to the conclusion that the potions they’d inhibited would wear off in two days. 

“Just live with it for now,” McGonagall had said, batting her eyelashes, “I think it even rather suits you.” 

Harry made sure to avoid all the other teachers before anything got worse.

And so there he was, sitting at the Gryffindor table, trying to engage Ron in a conversation about Quidditch, but who instead talked about how vivid his green eyes were, to which Seamus agreed to, and was topped off with Dean and Ginny declaring that he had the sexiest pair of lips alive.

Harry was getting mortified as each minute progressed. 

“Well,” Malfoy said abruptly, causing Harry to snap back in focus, “since you want me to protect you so, Potter… Scoot over, Weasel.”

“Why should I?” Shot back Ron, who was glaring daggers at how close the blonde was to Harry. 

But Harry brought his fingers to massage his temple; he had had enough. “Just let him, Ron. I don’t think I can stand any more confrontations.”

Malfoy smirked at Ron’s sullen look, before hopping over to the vacant seat next to Harry. He made sure to press himself as closely to the Gryffindor as possible ignoring all the dark looks all the others were giving him.

“—Wha— you don’t have to do _that!_ ” Harry cried, trying to move away. Malfoy pulled him back, “Just eat, Potter, and be through with it.”

He saw the logic in that point, although felt immeasurably weird when Malfoy circled his arms around his waist and placed his blonde head on his shoulder. Harry struggled his best to finish his roast chicken with the best poker face he could muster. 

“You are so going to hate yourself when this is through, Draco Malfoy.” He muttered. 

Draco sighed, rubbing his cheek on Harry’s robe and grinning wickedly when Seamus seemed to have a jealous fit. “No,” he murmured to Harry, “I think I’d be glad I was finally able to do this.”

Harry grinned despite himself. “Eat some dinner, you dunce.”

+-+-+

After dinner, Snape called on Draco and berated him for ‘indecent behavior during dinnertime,’ which was of course, only a cover-up for how jealous the Potions Master had been when the blonde draped himself all over Harry. It was funny how no one seemed to pity Draco, as well.

But Draco Malfoy took it all to stride. He just couldn’t help himself, he was practically –obsessed— with the thought of Harry Potter against him, the distinctive Harry smell rubbing off a little on him, those cruel lips twisted up in a flashing grin…

He sighed to himself as he walked out of the Great Hall. He was bursting with joy at the thought that Harry, popular and wanted-by-all, as he was, seemed only to accept his touches. 

Instead of walking back to the dungeons, Draco made his way towards the Gryffindor tower. His condition was hampering him greatly, he noted. He _needed_ to see Potter. Right now.

He and Seamus had obviously done the potion wrong. Was the effect supposed to be as powerful as it was? He was visibly shaking with need for the Boy-Who-Lived. He had been thinking of Harry all day ever since drinking the potion. He had been fantasizing so many things through their separate classes, and he had been staring at the boy nonstop when he came into view…

He stopped abruptly in his tracks as he caught wind of the scene in front of him. Harry Potter was in the corridor, looking godly as ever, but Blaise Zabini was beside him, perhaps closer than what was decent, caressing Harry’s arm a little sensually.

Draco saw red, and marched over to where the two were talking.

“ _Excuse us_ , Zabini,” Draco barely ground out, clutching Harry’s arm and attempting to haul the Gryffindor away. Harry pushed him off, and gave him glare for glare. “Stop that, Malfoy! You don’t own me! I was just talking to Zabini here, and it was actually a pretty decent conversation—”

“—So is it a date, then Harry?” Zabini called out from behind them, looking both hopeful and sly. Harry paused, staring at Blaise with a pained expression, before turning back to Malfoy and offering his arm. “Nevermind, Malfoy. Drag away.”

+-+-+

“What the hell were you doing with him, Potter?” Draco was livid as he hauled the weary Harry Potter into a vacant classroom. Harry sighed, going through the motions, unfazed by the anger Draco was issuing forth. 

“I was asking him for the way to Snape’s private chambers.” He snapped waspishly, leaning against a desk. He could tell that Malfoy was itching to join him, but for the pretense of being angry, the blonde held his ground, glaring at Harry. 

“You— what?! Why?!”

Harry bit his lip, looking away. “That’s where my detention is, apparently.”

Draco, if possible, looked even more enraged. “You were going, you were— he’s abusing his power and you’re letting him!”

“Of course not, you ponce,” retorted Harry, “I was going to tell him to stuff it, because I believe he would _seriously_ regret all he’s been saying shortly in two days. And besides, I brought my wand.” As if to reiterate the point, he showed off his wand and waved it around with a flourish. 

Malfoy sighed, his anger vanishing at the cute sight that Harry made, and came over towards the boy, draping himself over him again. Rubbing his cheek onto Harry’s smooth neck, he whispered, “Why did you even bother going? You could have just hidden out up in your tower, for Merlin’s sake.”

Harry was trying his best to pull away, but Malfoy had a tight grip, his whole body pressing onto his own. “I also need some ingredients. I’ve found an antidote.”

“You could have just waited for it to wear off. Or nicked the ingredients off his workroom.” Said Malfoy, trailing small kisses down his neck.

Harry sighed, changing his posture, and wrapping his arms around the Slytherin as well. “You can’t imagine how hard it is trying to talk to your friends when all they can do is gape! And… I didn’t want the consequence of Snape catching me stealing ingredients…” Harry gulped. The thought of Snape’s invitation to ‘punish’ him was still fresh in his mind.

Malfoy grinned, undoing Harry’s tie. There was suddenly a very hungry look on his face, as if the fullness of the potion only just kicked in. Harry frowned, backing up. 

“Malfoy…”

But Malfoy was already pushing off his robes, kissing up Harry’s jaw. He’d reached Harry’s ear, and gave a long, strong bite. Harry gasped sharply, then sighed as a wet tongue dove to soothe the pain away. Harry couldn’t help but lean into it. Those soft lips returned to side of his neck. 

“Your green eyes are so vivid, you know…” Malfoy drawled out, out of the blue.

There was a quiet silence. Then, Harry sighed, wearily. “Tell me about it.”


End file.
